They said there\u2019d be snow over Christmas, but no,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It just rained as the climate had changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But one man believed that the world was deceived<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the experts were dumb and deranged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Exclaimed Piers Corbyn, \u201cI\u2019ve just been absorbing<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This trustworthy data. Who cares<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s anthropogenic and human-made when I<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can blame it all on solar flares?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m also assured that corona\u2019s a fraud<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And that lockdowns are run by deep states<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So burn down the labs, as I\u2019ve heard that the jabs<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are of miniature clones of Bill Gates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But still my ability for gullibility<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Needs a new challenge, I feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s time I were pressed to the ultimate test –<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And believe Father Christmas is real!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He\u2019d rouse from their sleep all the brainwashed and sheeple<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who thought Father Christmas a con.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For like every saddo he trusted the shadowy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Figure called QdolphAnon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Qdolph adherents believe the appearance<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of Santa brings goodwill to men<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And prophets Celestine hold meetings clandestine<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In tunnels beneath Number Ten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There Piers found a party for Illuminati<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who all had a laugh at the millions<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who\u2019d be glued to the screen and be watching the Queen<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not to mention the other reptilians.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their egos were swollen, their bread was all stollen<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Exactly like last year\u2019s election.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then someone appeared in red robe and white beard,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a sack and a reindeer collection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And as Piers stood gaping, the man started taping<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Their movements and each conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He went for a look – at a virtual Mark Zuckerberg<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stealing the world\u2019s information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve measured your clicks and I\u2019ve looked at your pics<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I\u2019ve tracked you from cafe to bar<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve analysed sentiment, stirred up dissent, I meant<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Only to know who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve looked at your sharing and trolling and swearing<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And know who likes virtue or vice –<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve taken your data so I can create an<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Account of who\u2019s naughty or nice!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo Zuckerberg\u2019s Santa!\u201d said Piers, who began to<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Believe with a vigour most hearty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Mark raised a toast, and announced \u201cto our host,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr Johnson, for holding this party!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNow don\u2019t be so hasty. The cheese may be tasty,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Said Boris, \u201cthe wine may be flowing,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And Rishi\u2019s got blisters from too many Twisters,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cattle may all be furloughing,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ve copied our arses to make ID passes,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s nothing to do with impurity,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And whatever Priti\u2019s been doing to Whitty<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is clearly for homeland security.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So though it seems tawdry to see such an orgy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of singing and drinking and eating,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We act with integrity – just ask Allegra – team,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is a business meeting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s so unconvincing,\u201d said Corbyn while wincing,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt makes even me apoplectic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So great was his doubt that he said with a shout,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh my God! I\u2019ve turned into a sceptic!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His credence was busted – he no longer trusted<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The websites and rumours and liars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI won\u2019t look for answers to YouTubing chancers<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nor covid or climate deniers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t care a smidgeon for pseudo-religion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Despite the most recent statistic,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t even feel other people are real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now my world has become solipsistic!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I don\u2019t believe much of the things that I touch,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That I\u2019m smelling and hearing and seeing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I won\u2019t fall for the scam of I think, so I am.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So he stopped thinking, then he stopped being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So let\u2019s end this rhyme, as I do all the time,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With a message of seasonal cheer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I wish every friend who has skipped to the end<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have a merry and cheery conspiracy theory,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Christmas we get is deserved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So let virgins give birth and let peace reign on Earth, <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Never mind if it\u2019s flat or it\u2019s curved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
They said there\u2019d be snow over Christmas, but no, It just rained as the climate had changed. But one man believed that the world was…<\/p>\n